Happy Birthday!
by veryloyalfan
Summary: It's bad enough when Platyborg accidentally wakes up Alt. Doof, but when the one eye'd man gets a look at his calendar, he knows he's in for a rough day. Written in honor of NattyMc's birthday, and based on her stories, The Meeting, Kidnapped, and In Between Dimensions. I don't own anything.


**Happy Birthday!**

Alt. Doof opened his eye slowly, feeling the anger building up inside of him.

Platyborg _knew_ better than to make noise this early. It was only eleven o'clock in the _morning_ for pity's sake!

He slid out of bed, grumbling angrily, and he saw it.

B-day, scrawled out on the calendar. He groaned, and rubbed his temples. He _hated _birthdays. Especially his own. He didn't know why he'd reminded himself. He _hated_ being reminded that it was his birthday.

As another door banged shut, he stomped out into the hall to find his general digging through the pantry.

Alt. Doof stood over him, glowering as the semi-metallic platypus found a balloon, and happily blew it up.

Pulling a convenient pin from his pocket, Alt. Doof jabbed it into the balloon. His spirits lifted a little when his general jumped, and spun around. "Doof…"

He looked up, and horror spread across his face, and he took a cowering step back.

For a moment, Alt. Doof considered punishing him… but… eh, it was only eleven o'clock. Instead he just barked, "No balloons!" And marched back into his room to get out of his pajamas.

He didn't see much of his general after that. In fact, Platyborg completely failed to bring him brunch. He sighed, and stomped into the kitchen, only to find the robotic platypus filling a cake pan with batter.

He didn't need this today. He stomped across the room, raising his arm above his head.

Platyborg saw him coming this time, and covered his head, waiting for the blow.

Alt. Doof brought his arm down hard, slating the pan across the counter and onto the floor. "No cakes! Now clean that up!"

He crossed his arms, and watched as the platypus leapt to the ground, and frantically began cleaning up the goopy mess.

He waited for the string of excuses, the wines of abuse, but they never came. For once, Platyborg wasn't saying anything.

He frowned, and tapped his foot, then turned and left with a disgusted sigh. This happened every year. Every single year. His birthday would come, and Platyborg would try to surprise him with some stupid decorations, or card, or gift. And every year, he'd have to remind him that birthdays were for the weak, and that… wait…

A terrible suspicion crept into his mind, and refused to leave him alone. He hid behind a plant, and waited.

Shortly, a very depressed platypus walked out, head drooped, and tail dragging. He didn't seem to notice that Alt. Doof was following him as he went to his room.

Luckily, he left the door open a crack; just enough for the evil dictator to peer through.

Platyborg just sat down in a corner, and heaved a sigh. On the plain, concrete walls that made up his room, a message made Doofenshmirtz forget that he'd confiscated the platypus's chalk moths ago.

"Happy Birthday, Platyborg"

That was it. Not even an exclamation mark.

Alt. Doof turned away from the door, and smacked himself. Of course! THAT was why he'd written B-day on the calendar… so he wouldn't forget _Platyborg's _birthday. He wasn't sure why, exactly, it just seemed, important. Well, sort of…

And the whiney little brat was just trying to throw himself a party… it made him feel terrible.

He shrugged, well, at least it wasn't too late to make it up to him.

He kicked the door open, and bellowed. "Platyborg, stay in your room!" He waited for an answer, but the platypus was too busy trying to cover the message. "Did you hear me?"

This time, he nodded vigorously. "Yes, Doof! I'll stay here."

"Good." He turned and marched out, locking the door for good measure.

….

An hour later, he gave a weary sigh. It had been hard work… those Normbots were terrible at things like blowing up balloons, and making cakes, and putting up decorations… but now that it was done, he figured it was worth it.

He went to Platyborg's room, and opened the door. The platypus frantically started erasing the chalk from the wall, but he could still make out the words, "Doof is a JERK!"

He took a deep breath, and chose to ignore that… for now. "Listen, I was thinking, and I may have been a little harsh with you. You can come out now."

He followed Alt. Doof to the kitchen suspiciously. "Did you see that back there? Because your face turned red, and I thought I was going to die, and…."

"Drop it." His tone promised death, or, at the very least, pain in the near future.

"Okay."

He stepped back, and watched as Platyborg walked into the kitchen ,and saw what he'd done. He actually felt kind of good when the cyborg smiled. "We're celebrating this year? Cool! Way to loosen up, Doof!"

He shrugged, trying to appear as cold and indifferent as ever. "Well, birthdays are more important to some people than others. And like I've always said. They're for the weak."

Platyborg nodded, looking confused. "So… why did you throw yourself a party?"

Alt. Doof froze. "I threw _you_ a party."

Platyborg blinked. "Why?"

He resisted the urge to strangle his creation. "Because I thought you wanted one! The balloons and cake? You wrote yourself a birthday sign?"

Platyborg shook his head. "Nuh uh. I wrote that for _you_! I was going to write it all over the building, but I thought I'd practice first… and then you caught me, and I just about had a heart attack…"

Happy Birthday,

Platyborg

Not, happy birthday, Platyborg.

The cybernetic platypus didn't know when to quit either. "Wow, you really must be getting old. You forgot your own birthday! Hey… if you thought it was my birthday, does this mean I get a present?"

"Absolutely not! You get to clean this mess up! See the trouble you've caused?"

Platyborg flinched, waiting for him to slap him. When the blow didn't fall, he asked timidly. "Couldn't we have cake first?"

He sighed. "Alright. Fine, we can have cake first."

And it was _almost _worth it when Platyborg handed him a sloppily wrapped gift. Platyborg forgot his mouth was full of cake, "Happy Birthday, Doof!"

Maybe it wasn't so terrible…

"I got you a funnel!"

Well, at least he didn't have to clean up the crumbs falling from the platypus's bill.

"And some almond brittle."

Probably stolen right from under his desk, but… it's the thought that counts, right?

Wrong.

"PLATYBORG! You drag your semi-metal posterior out to town and get me a _real_ present!"

His bill dropped open. "But, I thought you hated birthdays…."

"NOW!" He used _the voice._

"_I'm going, I'm going!"_

_It wasn't until after the platypus left that he noticed the card. _

"_Dear Doof,_

_I know you're sort of grouchy. And you yell. Loud. And you punish me. Hard. And you're a bit of a schnitzel. But all in all, I still think that you're the best evil dictator in the whole entire tri-state area. Happy Birthday Doof, -Platyborg."_

He smiled. "Well what do you know about that? Wait… I'm the ONLY evil dictator in the tri state area… and he SO did NOT just call me a schnitzel! Platyborg, I hope you enjoyed that cake, because you're not going to get fed ever again!"

He cooled down a little. Well, maybe he'd feed him again. Of course, that depended on what he brought back.

**The End.  
**

* * *

**A/N: I hope you like it! Happy Birthday, NattyMc! Again, this is my attempt at the great presentation of these characters from her stories. I do not claim them!  
**


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